"Why does the doctor act so aggressively toward the girl? This doctor’s behavior crosses a line because he is thinking weird thoughts about a young girl and this is not normal. His abnormal acts stem from his surprise at the girl’s attempt to attack him. His fight or flight instincts, like every other animal on earth, take over. More animal than doctor, he feels like hurting the girl, so he ends up hurting the girl to save her because of her own fearful stubbornness."
Here's a breakdown explaining why this is a good, but not top-notch or perfect essay.
Why does the doctor act so aggressively toward the girl?
The student author reconfigures the prompt with her own question related to the story.
This doctor’s behavior crosses a line because he is thinking weird thoughts about a young girl and this is not normal. His abnormal acts stem from his surprise at the girl’s attempt to attack him. His fight or flight instincts, like every other animal on earth, take over.
She remaps the story to lead in to an explanation of a universal message: flight or flight instincts can overcome reason. Note that this is 5 level writing not 6 with only a few advanced vocabulary words.
More animal than doctor, he feels like hurting the girl, so he ends up hurting the girl to save her because of her own fearful stubbornness.
The student author's good closing line--especially the fearful stubbornness-- wraps up the story, explains why the doctor changed so much, and explains a universal aspect of human behavior.
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